Skinny's Medieval Weapon

A few days ago Skinny came to me with a request. She had been assigned another project from school and wanted my help. Skinny’s teacher is the project queen and somehow thinks these homework assignments are useful for the kids. But I beg to differ. The projects are usually constructed by me because they are beyond the building skills of my grade school student, or Mrs. Grouchy who has been known to use colorful adjectives to describe her love for these projects.

This year I’ve built a leprechaun trap, diorama, automatic doormat device and a medieval weapon. All of these projects have caused me to give up valuable time that should have been spent watching television, sleeping or working on this silly blog. Like many dutiful dads with kids in elementary school, I begrudgingly build the projects as quick as possible on the night before they are due. However, this homework assignment was different for me because I saw it as an opportunity to payback Skinny’s teacher for all the ridiculous projects I have built.

Honestly, all I heard from Skinny is that she needed to have a medieval weapon for a classroom presentation as I scurried into the garage to work some magic. In less than 30 minutes I made a medieval weapon from an old broom handle, some 550 cord, a handful of nails and a whole lot of duct tape. We (the kids and I) then successfully tested the weapon on our old couch in the TV room. Afterwards, I unveiled my creation to Mrs. Grouchy who just shook her head in disgust and exclaimed, “Skinny cannot take that thing to school.” I replied, “No problem, you can spend your evening making something to replace this weapon.” She then said, “Put that thing in Skinny’s backpack!”

The next day Skinny proudly took my creation to school and anxiously waited for her opportunity to share with the class our weapon. Skinny told me that the other students in the class brought some really neat projects. Like a miniature battering ram that knocked down a wall of plastic building blocks. Another student had a small catapult that launched tennis balls across the room. The teacher seemed impressed with the projects as she had the students explain their creations and give short demonstrations.

That is until my daughter opened her backpack and presented our project to the class. I guess the teacher’s eyes became very big and she gasped in surprise when it was realized what Skinny had brought to school. Fortunately, Skinny was given a passing grade on the project. She was also allowed to explain her weapon to some very interested students (mainly boys) in the class that asked if they could test the weapon out on something, or somebody. I guess that is when the teacher leaned over to Skinny and whispered, “For the sake of safety, why don’t you put that thing back into your backpack and take it home t-o-d-a-y!

In my defense, I didn’t know the project was supposed to be a miniature model of a medieval weapon. Hey, what’s the big deal with a cute little girl bringing a real mace (spiked ball attached to a club) to grade school?