Lieutenant Shawn and the Monster Poop

A few years ago, I had the unfortunate luck of deploying with one of the worst officers in the United States Army. Honestly, I’ve owned dogs that had more common sense then 1LT Shawn exhibited. Just to prove my point, I’ll share a short story with you.

One day we were tasked with loading a large shipping container with equipment that would be shipped overseas. It had to be loaded in a specific way for the military to send the container. Our first attempt at shipping the container failed and we were required to repack the container to the expectations of a very picky loadmaster. The process of repacking required a team of soldiers to accomplish the task. This was not a big deal and we had the project completely under control. However, 1LT Shawn did not trust us and decided to come along and provide close supervision.

When we arrived at the location everyone, except 1LT Shawn, began working together to get the task accomplished in a timely manner. 1LT Shawn decided he was too important for manual labor and found a wall to lean against as he watched us work. We had the loadmaster nearby and occasionally requested his input. This was the only real supervision we required during the project. After a short amount of time our fine officer realized he was not needed, or wanted, on the project.

This is when he pulled a book out of his cargo pocket and proceeded to read from it while we worked. Then he became hungry and pulled two young soldiers from our work detail to get him donuts. He gave them strict orders on what type of donuts he wanted and sent them on their way. But he failed with one necessary requirement for his tasking, and that was a means to pay for his donut craving. Yes it is true, 1LT Shawn ordered two young enlisted soldiers to use their personal money to buy him donuts. The soldiers begrudgingly did as ordered and soon returned with donuts for the entire group. Everyone except for 1LT Shawn pitched in money for the purchase, had a donut, and went back to work. 1LT Shawn went back to leaning against the wall, as he proceeded to read a book on leadership, and eat his donut!

We eventually finished loading the container and the loadmaster certified our container for shipment. Then 1LT Shawn quickly took credit for our work and proudly reported to the battalion commander his success on the task. After that day none of us had any respect for the guy. This should explain why someone made his vehicle inoperable by jacking it up and placing it on blocks. This also should explain why someone stole his head gear, dropped it in a portable toilet, and then left a monster poop on top of an ACU hat with the name SHAWN clearly displayed for all to see!