The Boy with an Itch

For the last six months boy #2 has been plagued with a severe rash on his little caboose. Often it created painful sores that brought the little guy to tears. The rash also caused constantly scratching. The little guy could be easily spotted in any crowd because he was always the one walking bowlegged as he’s tried to fix his itch.

Mrs. Grouchy was very concerned with the rash. More importantly, I was concerned the boy was going to be branded with a nickname that could follow him into adulthood. All I needed was a boy who was known as “The Butt Scratcher” or “Mr. Gold Digger”. You know how it is as a kid, once you get a nickname it’s hard to shake. So I knew the problem had to be quickly fixed before the boy was emotionally scarred for life and expensive psychotherapy was required to reverse the damage.

Therefore, we took him to the doctor and he was first diagnosed as having a heat rash and that required us to buy some overpriced prescription cream. After some time, we realized the treatment wasn’t working so we took the boy back to the doctor. The second diagnosis was a staph infection and he was given antibiotics. Once again, the treatment failed and the boy went back to the doctor for a third time.

The last diagnosis was pin worms. Once again, I found myself at the Walmart pharmacy standing in a line behind the “sick, lame and lazy” who all insisted on telling their lengthy medical histories to one young pharmacy tech who was manning the only available cash register. Yes, it was my own personal version of hell, I mean Groundhog’s Day, at the Walmart pharmacy.

After administering the de-worming treatment to the boy, he still had a nasty little rash. My boy’s butt had a well educated, and very skilled, Pediatrician completely baffled. Then one night the answer was revealed to me in an oddest of ways. I was preparing to use the bathroom when my eyes rested on an item sitting on the toilet. Yes, it is something that Mrs. Grouchy has used religiously for years on all the little butts in our family. She even has a two year supply of the product in case we have a natural disaster or run on the stores.

Honestly, Mrs. Grouchy wants our little family to have clean cabooses at all times, and in all situations. But what do you do when the rash on a little boy’s butt is telling you NO Kandoo!